Rita Is A Bitch
I have only been in my new residence for a few months now, but I have somehow managed to pick up at least three parking tickets that I know of. I say know of because who knows how many blew away when I neglected to take them out from underneath my windshield wipers…
I - along with many - hold no love for the police force. For some reason I feel that they just do more harm than anything else - tasering naked crazy men on awnings (YouTube), shooting people with wallets, tackling bike riders. Consequently, I hold an even smaller love for fake cops: Lovely Rita Meter Maid. You see, Rita is a bitch. She knows she has no real power and so goes around writing tickets to poor starving individuals like myself.
I will share the two most recent.
We have alternate side parking twice a week, and no one really cares if you double park for the two hours while they "clean" the street. I decided to take this option up and double parked. I went out to move my car at 1:05 and there was a ticket on it. For double parking. I was five minutes late. My phone number was on the dashboard in big three inch numbers with black sharpie. My address and buzzer were there. But that was too much effort. Rita had to give me a $115 dollar ticket.
My second ticket I am still trying to figure out. All along this area there are no parking signs, that list the day you cannot park and the hours in which you cannot park there. So as I pulled up to the grocery store I noticed a parking spot and parked. I then looked at the no parking sign. "No Parking Sunday 7-7 am. One hour parking only." I figured I was in the clear. It was Thursday. I was wrong. You see, I missed the key word except. The sign really read "No Parking Except Sunday 7-7 am." I suppose it is my fault for not reading the sign completely, but we have been conditioned to read the sign as I mentioned above - a list of the day and hours you are not allowed to park. Surely the sign could have been clearer.
So fuck you Rita. Get a real job. Stop giving out parking tickets no one pays. You are useless. Your sweater is ugly. Stop wasting our tax dollars on gas and get your fat ass out of the car and walk. Cunt.
